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MAR 22, 2010 | 7:34 PM | Domenic Maltempi
Baseball Team and Sex Acts (must be 26 and up to read)
Yes, it's a crude topic. It came to me on a drive to the local blockbuster.... Why not assign a sex act to each Major League Baseball team. This would assuredly be a topic that would create quite an umbrage storm, as much as it would delight certain fans (casual or otherwise,) of the old national pastime. I won't pretend that my prejudices and long time eccentric baseball likes and dislikes, long standing diss reflexes, won't play a part in this. I was a die-hard Yankee fan in the 80's and early 90's who's love of the team died for a variety of reasons, including their Gucci-pink hat corporate, super clean cut makeover...change... Money's complete dominance in the game changes things for me to. One has to remember, that the first multi million dollar contract did not happen that long ago (historically speaking.) I think it started with Kirby Puckett in late 80's...but my trivia or general knowledge of the game is not what it once.
My brother and I started riffing on this idea on our way to pick up the film 'Big Fan,' with Patton Oswalt. So, I will try to at least begin this list in the hopes of giving each team a certain sex act that will somehow represent them as an 'organization.' Yes, I know this is crude, lewd, idiotic, impossible to substantiate, and might offend the very thin skinned, and humorless... That's why I'm doing it...well not really....but that may be a bonus... So without further ado... Let us begin.
1. The New York Mets: The drunken blow job of the Majors
2. The Pittsburgh Pirates: The unprotected anal sex of MLB
3. The Seattle Mariners: The ill fitting dildo of the Majors
4. The New York Yankees: The 'Spitzer' of the Majors (contribution by Mike G
5. The San Diego Padres: The Testicle Jiggling kings of the NL West
6. The Baltimore Orioles: The boob cock slide that never get's to orgasm
7. The Oakland Athletics; The lumbering hand job
8. The Philadelphia Phillies: The unexplained money shot
9. The Texas Rangers; The missionary position of the Majors
10. The St. Louis Cardinals: The doggy style of the NL Central
(Ok... I will stop for now. I need some ginger ale. Please, help me complete this list my laudable readers. Go.......find that position that 'fits.'
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